 | -- Fuck me if You Can Private (Black Label) $22.99 -- |
Private's Black Label series spares no effort to deliver absolute perfection; this IS the millionaire version. I have absolutely no criticism: only awestruck praise. Fuck Me If You Can (released Dec 26), a brilliant cops-and-robbers cum porn flick about a stunningly sexy rip-off artist, is a real treat. Not only is the entire cast gorgeous, but they deliver convincing, expert performances, allowing the viewer to get completely lost in the dream they're delivering. There’s even a clever subplot with several layers of sophistication, which contributes an erotic quality and significantly adds to the believability of the story, something that Private aims for, wholesale.
The story opens when college-age daughter Brenda (Monika Sweetheart) interrupts her mother (Lidia St. Martin) getting her pussy licked by a strange man. Infuriated, she storms out to inform her father at his job, and discovers that he is a janitor, not a pilot as he apparently claimed. The girl, dismayed by this double betrayal, poses as a reporter, interviews a real pilot, and then fucks him passionately. “What is your fascination with pilots?” he asks her. “It’s a long story,” she replies, then asks him to fuck her ass.
But Brenda has more than a sound screw in mind. She rips off the hapless pilot’s ID and goes on a check forging crime spree. This episode is intermingled with our criminal heroine being interviewed by the police. “It’s funny,” the cop says, “I was drinking a beer when I got the phone call about your check scam, and now I’m drinking the same beer…”
Then a match on action on the beer bottle draws us to a spectacular group sex intro by poolside where the lucky man in white pants gets devoured by two of the hottest girls I’ve ever seen, never mind in porn (Sharka Blue and Veronica de Souza). Sharka in particular delivers an awe inspiring performance -- trembling thighs while her perfect ass gets fucked, big eyes when she glances at the camera like a stripper looking at a presidential Rolex, long angelic blonde hair, pouty lips eager to swallow cock, and impossibly flawless tits. This girl is really exceptional, and this is her debut performance! Veronica is hardly the consolation prize too; her brunette splendor will make anyone dizzy. It’s no wonder that Alessandro Del Mar (Director) put himself in this scene, and judging by his voluminous finale that made Sharka blink, squirm, and jump backwards, it must have been the height of his career.
Surprisingly, the film does not fade into mediocrity after that award-worthy scene. Instead, we get a very Italian looking couple in full Pan-American Airlines uniforms approaching Brenda by yet another pool. The Pan-American reference is not only sexy but hilarious, another witty detail by Private to amuse those who pay attention to details. The trio share an unusually authentic uncomfortable “who’s she?” moment but make friends quickly and supply the audience with yet another breathtaking ménage-a-trois. The other girl (Jennifer) looks very similar to Monika: both of them have impressively large tits, long blondish hair, exactly the same tanned skin, and very slim physiques. Of course the Private make-up team accented this coincidence, sending me immediately into the classic male fantasy that culminates in a grin-inspiring money shot onto two identical pretty faces.Brenda continues to keep writing bad checks and seducing the men sent to stop her into helplessness. Nice concept… who wouldn’t want to fuck her? Two detectives receive occupational benefits in the next scene ‒ Brenda, wearing all pink with pink bra and panties, delivers the goods lavishly. Great casting for the detectives: these guys are pale and a little older with cheap wrinkled suits and greasy hair. They look delighted to be shagging her. She pauses to flash a shy smile at the camera occasionally, as though apologizing to her boyfriend. Fucking brilliant!
There’s one other Alessandro scene that’s not to be missed. Here he’s in a luxurious mansion with a Thai and a Black girl (Libellule and Bamboo). They trade off on him on a silk sofa ‒ Libellule rolls her hips emphatically while getting her ass fucked and expressively delivers several orgasms, and Bamboo closes her eyes into serene relaxation when it’s her turn with the dick in her ass.
Ninety minutes into the film and I’m still riveted ‒ not a single disappointment.
