Just The Texts, Ma'am  

mc_justmc 58M  
1130 posts
7/1/2018 11:14 am
Just The Texts, Ma'am


I can only assume that we all have that special text friend. The one that you share all the trivial events of your day, not necessarily sex, more like what your eating, your last poop, what your watching on TV. Mine is Lynda de La Mooch. I hear and tell regular reports of gastrointestinal tract issues, such as the text I received Saturday morning:

Lynda-----Oh no I got pee butt

We've discussed how odd a topic it is. It's not like we've ever been intimate, it's just that we're both very open with each other. I've read and wrote many detailed sex reports, shopping messages, fights with spouses, but mostly food. What we're buying, cooking, eating, and yes, eventually pooping. I liked this one I had today:

Me---I ate a can of pineapple for breakfast

Lynda---I have fresh pineapple

Me---I like the cans, I put them in the fridge overnight and eat them the next day


Lynda---Yum. I really enjoy eating pineapples and cantaloupes

Me---It's the only food I've ever included in sex, I even made my ex a pineapple dildo hahaha

Lynda---I don't want pineapple anymore

Me---Can I have your pineapple?

Have you ever included food in sex? Have you ever ruined something for someone? Do you have that kind of text buddy that you share everything with?

mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/1/2018 11:20 am

Today's Text Topic:

[image]


cinnamon0133 54F  
16954 posts
7/1/2018 11:30 am

A text friend like that-yes, a pineapple dildo-no . I dont like playing with food. No food has been ruined for me BUT my daughter Cal has lmfao.
Cal loves, loves, LOVES Oh Henry chocolate bars. A friend (female) told her that her bf fucked her with the chocolate bar, clearly it was a fucking melted mess and after he used it on her he ate what was left. Cal threw up and hasnt touched a Oh Henry in months

Treat Me Like A Angel And I Will Show You What Heaven Is Really Like


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/1/2018 11:58 am

    Quoting cinnamon0133:
    A text friend like that-yes, a pineapple dildo-no . I dont like playing with food. No food has been ruined for me BUT my daughter Cal has lmfao.
    Cal loves, loves, LOVES Oh Henry chocolate bars. A friend (female) told her that her bf fucked her with the chocolate bar, clearly it was a fucking melted mess and after he used it on her he ate what was left. Cal threw up and hasnt touched a Oh Henry in months
OMG! That's so sadly funny!!! I fucked my ex with the Pineapple dildo and though the dido did not taste like her, she certainly tasted like the dildo!


redrockrascal 60M
19117 posts
7/1/2018 12:06 pm

Have you ever included food in sex? More like condiments and no those are not mint flavored condoms.

Have you ever ruined something for someone? Probably, but only because they were already ruined.

Do you have that kind of text buddy that you share everything with?
The term "Need to know" comes to mind. This is one of several reasons I don't like texting.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


TicklePlease 51F  
11448 posts
7/1/2018 12:08 pm

Pineapple (fresh) gives me those acid bumps in my mouth.... I don't even want to THINK about what a pineapple dildo would do.

I'm sure you've heard the warnings about only using non-dairy whipped cream on your lady but you can also add chocolate whipped cream (non-dairy) to the no-no list. Sure you can lick it all off her, but the week-long remaining brown skin stains are a bit of a heart-attack inducer the next morning in a brightly lit bathroom.

I have a friend who texts me very personal bodily function updates but I just can't bring myself to return the favor!


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/1/2018 12:46 pm

    Quoting redrockrascal:
    Have you ever included food in sex? More like condiments and no those are not mint flavored condoms.

    Have you ever ruined something for someone? Probably, but only because they were already ruined.

    Do you have that kind of text buddy that you share everything with?
    The term "Need to know" comes to mind. This is one of several reasons I don't like texting.
Condiments? Like Ranch Dressing? Wasabi would burn both of you! Texting has it's plus and minus points.


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/1/2018 12:49 pm

    Quoting TicklePlease:
    Pineapple (fresh) gives me those acid bumps in my mouth.... I don't even want to THINK about what a pineapple dildo would do.

    I'm sure you've heard the warnings about only using non-dairy whipped cream on your lady but you can also add chocolate whipped cream (non-dairy) to the no-no list. Sure you can lick it all off her, but the week-long remaining brown skin stains are a bit of a heart-attack inducer the next morning in a brightly lit bathroom.

    I have a friend who texts me very personal bodily function updates but I just can't bring myself to return the favor!
Pineapple makes me horny, always has. I've never been into whipped cream or chocolate with sex. When your texting bodily functions with friends you've just gotta let it flow.


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/1/2018 12:51 pm

    Quoting  :

I'm glad you enjoyed it.


SeaGirlFL 54F  
6155 posts
7/1/2018 1:01 pm

Um...no food has been ruined because of being part of sex play. Probably because no food has been part of sex play, lol.

I have had a text buddy that I shared a very large amount with...but never bodily functions. TMI, even for that relationship.

"Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax." – Mark Black


smartasswoman 61F  
29305 posts
7/1/2018 1:07 pm

Like Tickle I can’t help but think a pineapple dildo sounds like a very, very bad idea. Glad your ex survived the experience unscathed.


mature_951 57F  
3225 posts
7/1/2018 1:22 pm

Before work ended, I'd text my work buddies. Not poop stuff, just work stuff. We had a "group" text going where you could say just about anything, not over PG-rated though.

"You can stroke people with words."


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/1/2018 2:19 pm

    Quoting SeaGirlFL:
    Um...no food has been ruined because of being part of sex play. Probably because no food has been part of sex play, lol.

    I have had a text buddy that I shared a very large amount with...but never bodily functions. TMI, even for that relationship.
What's a few poop texts between friends?


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/1/2018 2:20 pm

    Quoting smartasswoman:
    Like Tickle I can’t help but think a pineapple dildo sounds like a very, very bad idea. Glad your ex survived the experience unscathed.
She liked it, she douched afterwards, just to be safe.


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/1/2018 2:21 pm

    Quoting mature_951:
    Before work ended, I'd text my work buddies. Not poop stuff, just work stuff. We had a "group" text going where you could say just about anything, not over PG-rated though.
Does "poop" fall under the PG rating?


redrockrascal 60M
19117 posts
7/1/2018 2:59 pm

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    Condiments? Like Ranch Dressing? Wasabi would burn both of you! Texting has it's plus and minus points.
I'm a Honey Mustard kind of guy.

Wasabi is mostly for sushi IMO and if the "sushi" ain't right no condiment is going to help.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


redrockrascal 60M
19117 posts
7/1/2018 3:01 pm

    Quoting SeaGirlFL:
    Um...no food has been ruined because of being part of sex play. Probably because no food has been part of sex play, lol.

    I have had a text buddy that I shared a very large amount with...but never bodily functions. TMI, even for that relationship.
Do you like celery, cucumbers, carrots or . . . zucchini

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/1/2018 3:18 pm

    Quoting redrockrascal:
    I'm a Honey Mustard kind of guy.

    Wasabi is mostly for sushi IMO and if the "sushi" ain't right no condiment is going to help.
Honey Mustard? I'm gonna take your word on that.


dayzeeme 50F
6556 posts
7/1/2018 7:26 pm

every time you tell a Lynda story I think of that kid in the video talking to his mom
[image]


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/1/2018 7:57 pm

    Quoting dayzeeme:
    every time you tell a Lynda story I think of that kid in the video talking to his mom
    [image]
Lynda, my 26 yr old former neighbor gives me so many ridiculous life stories to blog about, it's unreal. Just when you think someone can't say or do something so unbelievable, Lynda does it. She used to come over every single day to bum "cookies" from me, thus the "de LaMooch" name. I mean every night!


author51 55F  
65852 posts
7/2/2018 2:25 am

I don't text as I have no cell phone and my lover and I talk about every thing but bowel movements, no..Too much info. there for me...lol

One can never have enough JOY in their life...


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/2/2018 3:58 am

    Quoting author51:
    I don't text as I have no cell phone and my lover and I talk about every thing but bowel movements, no..Too much info. there for me...lol
Remember this: The biggest step in any relationship isn't the 1st kiss, it's the 1st fart.


SeaGirlFL 54F  
6155 posts
7/3/2018 6:44 am

    Quoting redrockrascal:
    Do you like celery, cucumbers, carrots or . . . zucchini
Celery, cucumbers and carrots...all a-okay. Zucchini...not so much, lol.

But...none of them with sex. Sex food is like...chocolate, whipped cream, and fruit...

"Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax." – Mark Black


thegrlsnme 62F  
1683 posts
7/3/2018 7:35 am

Wow, that was a crazy conversation. Having a text friend can be fun.

Enjoy the ride searching for what you want here..........thegrls


redrockrascal 60M
19117 posts
7/3/2018 8:22 am

    Quoting SeaGirlFL:
    Celery, cucumbers and carrots...all a-okay. Zucchini...not so much, lol.

    But...none of them with sex. Sex food is like...chocolate, whipped cream, and fruit...
Sounds like a banana split

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


SeaGirlFL 54F  
6155 posts
7/3/2018 11:04 am



Yes. Exactly.



"Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax." – Mark Black


redrockrascal 60M
19117 posts
7/3/2018 2:33 pm

Careful, Mc might get embarrassed if we go any further.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/3/2018 4:13 pm

    Quoting thegrlsnme:
    Wow, that was a crazy conversation. Having a text friend can be fun.
It's nice on the boring nights, and since she's married I know she has little social life, hahaha!!


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/3/2018 4:14 pm

    Quoting thegrlsnme:
    Wow, that was a crazy conversation. Having a text friend can be fun.
AND it's so good to see you!!!!


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/3/2018 4:20 pm

    Quoting redrockrascal:
    Careful, Mc might get embarrassed if we go any further.
No, no problem here, I'm just watching and enjoying this. I'm still laughing at RRR's post: 5 YEARS!!!!!!!


redrockrascal 60M
19117 posts
7/3/2018 4:42 pm

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    No, no problem here, I'm just watching and enjoying this. I'm still laughing at RRR's post: 5 YEARS!!!!!!!
Well it's no wonder there was no sex - the guy's nuts had probably shriveled up and disappeared.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/3/2018 6:15 pm

    Quoting redrockrascal:
    Well it's no wonder there was no sex - the guy's nuts had probably shriveled up and disappeared.
shriveled up nuts, whip cream, chocolate, fruit, they all go together!


SeaGirlFL 54F  
6155 posts
7/3/2018 6:29 pm

    Quoting redrockrascal:
    Well it's no wonder there was no sex - the guy's nuts had probably shriveled up and disappeared.


Just to make sure we are all clear here, it was HIS decision for no sex...

"Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax." – Mark Black


SeaGirlFL 54F  
6155 posts
7/3/2018 6:32 pm

    Quoting redrockrascal:
    Careful, Mc might get embarrassed if we go any further.
I don't think this is enough to embarrass MC...he has text conversations about pooping.

"Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax." – Mark Black


redrockrascal 60M
19117 posts
7/3/2018 6:48 pm

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    shriveled up nuts, whip cream, chocolate, fruit, they all go together!
Well yeah, the whip cream and chocolate hide the shriveled up nuts

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


redrockrascal 60M
19117 posts
7/3/2018 6:49 pm

    Quoting SeaGirlFL:


    Just to make sure we are all clear here, it was HIS decision for no sex...
Of course it was, who wants to drop their shorts with shriveled up nuts

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/4/2018 3:14 am

    Quoting SeaGirlFL:


    Just to make sure we are all clear here, it was HIS decision for no sex...
What????? Now just how gullible do you think we are? 5 years, no sex AND it was his choice? Not buying it!


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/4/2018 3:16 am

    Quoting redrockrascal:
    Well yeah, the whip cream and chocolate hide the shriveled up nuts
I think it's a proven fact that massive amounts of chocolate makes everything better.


SeaGirlFL 54F  
6155 posts
7/4/2018 4:59 am

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    I think it's a proven fact that massive amounts of chocolate makes everything better.
Only if it's dark chocolate. .

"Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax." – Mark Black


author51 55F  
65852 posts
7/4/2018 9:45 am

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    Remember this: The biggest step in any relationship isn't the 1st kiss, it's the 1st fart.
No worries on that score.. I own my farts.. Not known to be ladylike at all on that one....lol.

One can never have enough JOY in their life...


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/4/2018 9:57 am

    Quoting SeaGirlFL:
    Only if it's dark chocolate. .
I'll take any kind of chocolate. I like white chocolate.


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/4/2018 9:59 am

    Quoting author51:
    No worries on that score.. I own my farts.. Not known to be ladylike at all on that one....lol.
I like a woman who isn't afraid to let one rip!


SeaGirlFL 54F  
6155 posts
7/4/2018 1:27 pm

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    What????? Now just how gullible do you think we are? 5 years, no sex AND it was his choice? Not buying it!
I think he was just too polite to tell me he was no longer interested before I traveled to see him...

"Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax." – Mark Black


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/4/2018 3:51 pm

    Quoting SeaGirlFL:
    I think he was just too polite to tell me he was no longer interested before I traveled to see him...
Polite? I think you could have legally strangled him!


sweet_VM 60F  
79433 posts
7/5/2018 6:46 am

Good one. Sure have hugs V

Become a blog watcher sweet_vm


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/5/2018 9:57 am

    Quoting sweet_VM:
    Good one. Sure have hugs V
Thank you V!


GratefulGirl69 49F  

7/5/2018 1:25 pm

A pineapple dildo? That is awesome!

It's also fitting in a somewhat bizarre way. I've been engaging in an informal study of how things that people eat/drink influence the flavor of their fun bits and the fluids associated with them... and pineapple has been part of that.

It started over a year ago, when I was with a man whose flavor was VERY unpleasant. Extremely bitter, sour... quite frankly, it was rank- enough to turn a lifelong swallower into a spitter. I'd been with men whose flavors were slightly unpleasant before, but never to this extent- never intolerably so.

My initial thought was that maybe it was old, maybe it had been in the containers for too long and gone sour. You know, like how milk can go from creamy sweet deliciousness to something that you pour down the drain, your arm fully extended to avoid getting too close to it. Maybe it had just sat too long past its expiration date...? But no, he was a daily masturbator and the specimen was as fresh as it could be.

As this was a fairly regular partner at the time and I felt a vested interest in getting to the bottom of it, I surreptitiously investigated for possible reasons- a medical condition, perhaps a medication- but nothing unusual there. So I did a little research and came across information suggesting that diet has an effect on such things.

When I looked into it, I discovered that he used pre-cut garlic (jarlic) and oregano in everything that he cooked. Absolutely every savory dish that he prepared- even fish and beef- were seasoned with garlic and oregano. Then for comparison, I asked partners whose flavors I enjoyed (in one case, flatly loved) about their diets, and I found that they all frequently ate fruit... and the one I found the tastiest regularly ate pineapple or drank pineapple juice.

I also started paying closer attention to my own flavor. I've always been a self-taster anyway, in both sexual and investigative ways- and I've long known that I have fluctuations (generally attributed to my hormonal cycle)... and when I looked for, then experimented with, food-related connections, I found that eating fruit in general, and pineapple in particular, produces a favorable result in the quality of my own flavor.

And so I started eating pineapple regularly, occasionally explaining to lovers exactly why, prompting one to start calling my personal parts his "pineapple pussy!" LOL So you can imagine why the the idea of a pineapple dildo tickles me! AND makes me curious! As I like coconut oil as a lube, I'm wondering about (okay, planning!) a full-on naughty pina colada encounter!

I appreciate the idea! And hey, any chance you can offer instructions on crafting such a thing???


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/5/2018 3:54 pm

    Quoting GratefulGirl69:
    A pineapple dildo? That is awesome!

    It's also fitting in a somewhat bizarre way. I've been engaging in an informal study of how things that people eat/drink influence the flavor of their fun bits and the fluids associated with them... and pineapple has been part of that.

    It started over a year ago, when I was with a man whose flavor was VERY unpleasant. Extremely bitter, sour... quite frankly, it was rank- enough to turn a lifelong swallower into a spitter. I'd been with men whose flavors were slightly unpleasant before, but never to this extent- never intolerably so.

    My initial thought was that maybe it was old, maybe it had been in the containers for too long and gone sour. You know, like how milk can go from creamy sweet deliciousness to something that you pour down the drain, your arm fully extended to avoid getting too close to it. Maybe it had just sat too long past its expiration date...? But no, he was a daily masturbator and the specimen was as fresh as it could be.

    As this was a fairly regular partner at the time and I felt a vested interest in getting to the bottom of it, I surreptitiously investigated for possible reasons- a medical condition, perhaps a medication- but nothing unusual there. So I did a little research and came across information suggesting that diet has an effect on such things.

    When I looked into it, I discovered that he used pre-cut garlic (jarlic) and oregano in everything that he cooked. Absolutely every savory dish that he prepared- even fish and beef- were seasoned with garlic and oregano. Then for comparison, I asked partners whose flavors I enjoyed (in one case, flatly loved) about their diets, and I found that they all frequently ate fruit... and the one I found the tastiest regularly ate pineapple or drank pineapple juice.

    I also started paying closer attention to my own flavor. I've always been a self-taster anyway, in both sexual and investigative ways- and I've long known that I have fluctuations (generally attributed to my hormonal cycle)... and when I looked for, then experimented with, food-related connections, I found that eating fruit in general, and pineapple in particular, produces a favorable result in the quality of my own flavor.

    And so I started eating pineapple regularly, occasionally explaining to lovers exactly why, prompting one to start calling my personal parts his "pineapple pussy!" LOL So you can imagine why the the idea of a pineapple dildo tickles me! AND makes me curious! As I like coconut oil as a lube, I'm wondering about (okay, planning!) a full-on naughty pina colada encounter!

    I appreciate the idea! And hey, any chance you can offer instructions on crafting such a thing???
I'd heard that about pineapple enhancing the flavor of semen. We used to buy pineapple sticks when they made them, they don't anymore. I would put a stick in the wife's vagina and suck it back and forth with my mouth while rubbing her clit with my nose. It took a lot of practice to get it to something enjoyable. I imagine the coldness of the refrigerated pineapple was an added sensation, we usually started with a bowl of 4-5 sticks. We couldn't find sticks one day so we bought a fresh pineapple. As we were carving out our own sticks I noticed how hard the core was. A "used" pineapple stick loses it stiffness which makes itself useless. I carved the pineapple core into what I thought was a decent dildo, but we only used it for one session. It's not something either of us wanted to put in the fridge after we used it. Imagine us, getting picky! For some reason I get aroused when I eat pineapple.


GratefulGirl69 49F  

7/6/2018 1:15 am

Thank you for the details! I did wonder about it possibly being too slippery to hold, but using your mouth was a clever (and hot, of course) way to work around that. Yes, the core is firmer... sometimes even hard to eat because of it. I'm guessing the precise shape of it would only be limited by both imagination and one's cutting skills.

The naughty brain is working overtime now- many thanks for the inspiration! !


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/6/2018 4:30 am

    Quoting GratefulGirl69:
    Thank you for the details! I did wonder about it possibly being too slippery to hold, but using your mouth was a clever (and hot, of course) way to work around that. Yes, the core is firmer... sometimes even hard to eat because of it. I'm guessing the precise shape of it would only be limited by both imagination and one's cutting skills.

    The naughty brain is working overtime now- many thanks for the inspiration! !
I didn't get too artistic with it, I carved it into a torpedo shape. Knowing it was going to be a one use toy I didn't want to put too much effort into it.


s2ndegree 59M  
8418 posts
7/6/2018 3:17 pm

I like that you used a pineapple for
your example. It shows that you are a very
savvy shopper.With your grocery store post in
mind.What better place to find something to
whittle into a dildo than the department
that will"produce"the desired effect.

I find it rather funny how ticked off people get in
a text conversation when one misunderstands a text
and the volley that ensues.
I'm like ,Wow what was that all about?
Do you want to use my phone to call them?
They're like ,Ya maybe I shou... Fuck you!
I get it!

I would fail miserably in a thumb treadmill race!

Using more than all the road!


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/6/2018 5:44 pm

Hahahaha Pineapple, it's not just for eating! Yep, it's hard to gauge emotion in texts, it has caused issues in the past.


pocogato12 66F  
24439 posts
7/8/2018 3:48 pm

It's a hot n sticky Sunday afternoon and I am laughing my ass off reading all the blog notes and comments. I have some nicely forming cucumbers on the twine trellis from my raised garden bed along with some lovely yellow summer squash. I am not into texting period- my cell phone is for emergencies and looking for pienapples

(Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
7/8/2018 5:59 pm

    Quoting pocogato12:
    It's a hot n sticky Sunday afternoon and I am laughing my ass off reading all the blog notes and comments. I have some nicely forming cucumbers on the twine trellis from my raised garden bed along with some lovely yellow summer squash. I am not into texting period- my cell phone is for emergencies and looking for pienapples
It's gotten to where I almost only text, I rarely make a phone call, anymore. Strange how times have changed.


mc_justmc 58M  
4213 posts
8/6/2018 2:14 pm

    Quoting NewBernMilf:
    Yeah I've used food in sex. I've done the grapefruit blowjob thing, and put rings of pineapple around hubby's cock while I blew him. We've used other food too.
    I'm sure I've ruined something for someone out there.
    Yep. Hubby. People are amazed at how well we still get along. Lol.
We tried the pineapple blowjob thing but it wouldn't work. I ruined a lot of things for my Ex, especially music, changing the words to songs, she hated that.


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