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| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
There's one thing that's true no matter where in the galaxy you go - sandwiches are good
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There's one thing that's true no matter where in the galaxy you go - sandwiches are good A while ago someone at work asked "does it smell like paint thinner in here to you ?" and I explained that I have a very poor sense of smell , which led to me telling the story (such as it is) of my sister shooting a bottle rocket up my nose . And I realized for the FIRST time that this happened in the summer of '83 - the same year Return of the Jedi came out . What's the significance there ? Much like Luke hitting the exhaust port on the Death Star to start the chain reaction to destroy it my sister hitting me IN the nose like that was a million to one shot . Most people probably think that my sister pinned me down and jammed a bottle rocket in my nose and set it off but that's not so . We were running around playing with fireworks , as did in those days - it was a simpler time before rainbow parties and pill swapping - and I said something to her that made her mad (I don't recall what) and she fired said bottle rocket at me from maybe 17 feet away . Being a sissy boy when I saw that she was firing at me I both ducked and spun away . Now I know what you're thinking , what the hell 40 , were you TRYING to get a bottle rocket up the ass ? First of all I was six you sick bastard and secondly I panicked - obviously the smart thing to do would have been to drop to the ground but it was an instinctual wussy reaction . The point is the rocket came under my body/torso and right up the nose - which is a highly unlikely turn of events . But 40 , you're taking about the first Star Wars movie that came out in 77 not Return of the Jedi . Shut up , there's a connection still ! Did you know that David Cronenberg was one of the original choices to direct Return of the Jedi ? Wrap you mind about that folks . I kind of want to start working on a screenplay of what a Cronenberg Return of the Jedi would have been like . I mean who didn't walk out of Jedi saying "I wish that had been more like Dead Ringers" ? If they did they were time travelers fool because that movie didn't come out for another 5 years ! Anyway , Cronenberg Jedi - think about it . I had a fairly disturbing dream the other night - an older fellow from work came to live with me as did a mentally challenged person I knew years ago . Oldy had a stoke and his freaked out mentally challenged dude who responded by beating the shit out of him while he was having a stroke . I tried to stop him but he was too strong . So I called 911 and three paramedics showed up , two of them started helping stroke guy and the other one tried to calm down mentally challenged guy but he flipped out again and started strangling her . Again I tried to stop him but couldn't . In the end all 3 paramedics were badly injured and I was trying to call 911 again while hiding from mentally challenged guy . I suppose if you think dreams mean anything this is a manifestation of my attempts to help people by doing my job and how they're thwarted by the uncaring of others . But dreams don't mean anything . Many years back I went to a football game with my buddy Floorboard and his GF and my buddy Camelback and his fiancée . As we were getting ready to go Camelback's fiancée says to Floorboard's GF "You look nice" and she said "thanks" and after a beat fiancée said "Usually when a girl tells another girl she looks nice they say it back" and GF said "But you're dressed like a boy" . Things got real ugly after that . Is that true ? If you're a woman and compliment one of your peers do you expect them to say it back ? Have you seen any of the commercials for the new Magnum PI . It looks awful . Wait no , let me change that , it doesn't look very Magnum PI-y , it looks like generic action show # 17 . It actually looks kind of like an A-Team rip off to me more than anything . Do TV show reboots ever work ? Knightrider sucked , Bionic Woman sucked , V sucked , Dallas sucked , Dynasty sucked , Heroes Reborn SUPER sucked , 90210 suck , Fuller House awful , MacGyver pukatronic , Odd Couple lame , Charlie's Angels garbage , etc. The X-Files is okay but that's not really a reboot . Generally there's a reason for this failure , although I have no theory on why the people making these shows can't figure it out . Good news ! You've acquired the rights to remake that classic show you loved as a . But hold on ; you watch the series again and you realize something. Shockingly , there's No Hugging , No Kissing - not even sexual tension or a gratuitous bikini shot . Well, that will never do , surely people only ever watch TV for the sex , right ? And what'll keep the parents entertained ? There's only one thing for it : you'll have to make it younger and hotter . Firstly , all female characters get stripperiffic outfits , while all men get one shirtless scene after another . Then add some "Witty Banter" between the lead characters about penis size , some bow-chicka-bow-wow , a "manly" hero and a chaste sidekick who's a stupid and innocent virgin , a Ms. Fanservice with gag boobs and no nudity taboo . Heck , why not go all the way and chuck everyone in bed together and say it's just you making the series more mature ? Unsurprisingly , fans tend to dislike these remakes for several reasons . Firstly , these are characters that people have cherished since childhood and it can be very disturbing to see them suddenly start making masturbation jokes . Secondly , some people feel awkward about blatant innuendos , especially when they are so blatant that the clean meaning is harder to find than the dirty one . Third it can seem insulting to both the viewers and to the franchise . It seems to be saying both that "Viewers Are Morons—they won't watch a show unless it has sex in it !" and "this show is so terrible that if we don't chuck some cheap titillation in , no one will watch it !" Finally, given that the sex is effectively added as an afterthought , it can often feel badly taped on . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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Did you know that JAG , the NCIS shows , Hawaii 5-O reboot , Scorpion and the MacGyver reboot all take place in the same world/continuity . No you didn't because why would anyone care ? Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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I read your whole blog post out loud to my wife and she just wants to say: Dude, you have got some whacky stuff going on in your skull! haha She also wants you to know she did NOT know about the Magnun P.I. remake
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Yes!
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So how do you feel about your blog being read aloud to that guy's wife? Do you think they were doing that as foreplay?  
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